When Your Nervous System Won't Let You Rest: Understanding ADHD, HSP, and Chronic Activation

You're Not Lazy — Your Nervous System Is Exhausted

It's 11 PM. You've been "relaxing" for two hours, but your body hasn't gotten the memo. Your mind is still racing with tomorrow's to-do list, replaying today's conversations, jumping between six different thoughts per minute.

Or maybe it's the opposite: you're so burned out that you can barely move, yet somehow you still can't rest. You're scrolling, dissociating, doing anything to avoid the uncomfortable buzzing energy that lives just beneath your skin.

You tell yourself: I should be able to relax. Other people can just... stop.

Here's what I need you to understand: if you have ADHD, are highly sensitive, or both — your nervous system is wired differently. And "just relaxing" isn't a moral failing. It's a neurological challenge.

As a somatic therapist in New York who works with ADHD and highly sensitive people, I see this every single day: brilliant, creative, deeply feeling people who are exhausted by their own nervous systems.

Let's talk about why rest feels impossible — and what actually helps.

The ADHD Nervous System: Seeking Stimulation to Feel Regulated

If you have ADHD, your brain is constantly seeking the "right" level of stimulation. Too little, and you feel restless, bored, understimulated. Too much, and you're overwhelmed, scattered, overstimulated.

The problem? You're almost never in the sweet spot.

Why ADHD Brains Struggle with Rest:

Your brain needs dopamine — and rest doesn't provide it. Scrolling, gaming, working, creating — these activities give your brain the stimulation it craves. Rest feels like deprivation.

Transitions are hard — Going from "doing" to "resting" requires a neurological shift that ADHD brains struggle with. It's not that you don't want to rest; it's that the transition itself feels impossible.

Hyperactivity isn't just physical — Even if you're not bouncing off walls, your mind might be running marathons. Internal hyperactivity is exhausting and often invisible.

Time blindness — "I'll just do this one more thing" turns into three hours because your brain doesn't track time the way neurotypical brains do.

What This Looks Like in Your Body:

• Restless leg syndrome or constant fidgeting

• Difficulty sitting still during "relaxing" activities

• Mental racing even when physically tired

• Craving intense sensation (spicy food, loud music, physical activity)

• Feeling simultaneously wired and exhausted

• Sleep problems (can't fall asleep, can't wake up, or both)

The Highly Sensitive Nervous System: Overstimulated by Everything

If you're a highly sensitive person (HSP), you process everything more deeply — sensory information, emotions, social dynamics, environmental stimuli.

Psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron’s research estimates that roughly 15–20% of people are highly sensitive, meaning their nervous systems take in and process more information from the world around them — including emotions, sensory input, and social cues. This isn't a disorder — it's a trait. But in a world that's not built for sensitivity, it can feel disabling.

Why HSPs Struggle with Rest:

You're still processing everything from the day — That conversation at lunch? Your nervous system is still analyzing tone, subtext, and emotional content hours later.

Your environment matters intensely — Scratchy fabrics, fluorescent lights, background noise, strong smells — these aren't just preferences, they're nervous system inputs that keep you activated.

You absorb other people's emotions — Even when you're alone, you might still be carrying the stress, sadness, or tension you picked up from others.

Downtime doesn't always feel safe — When you stop moving, you finally feel all the emotions and sensations you've been pushing through all day. Rest can feel overwhelming.

What This Looks Like in Your Body:

• Feeling emotionally "raw" or easily moved to tears

• Physical exhaustion that doesn't improve with sleep

• Needing extended alone time after social interaction

• Heightened startle response

• Feeling everyone's mood in your own body

• Difficulty being in busy, loud, or chaotic environments

When You Have Both ADHD and HSP: The Double Bind

Here's where it gets really tricky: you can be both ADHD and highly sensitive.

This creates a unique nervous system challenge:

• Your ADHD brain craves stimulation

• Your HSP nervous system gets easily overwhelmed by stimulation

• You're constantly either understimulated or overstimulated

• The "Goldilocks zone" of "just right" feels impossible to find

You might:

• Seek out intense experiences (concerts, deadlines, drama) then need days to recover

• Feel bored and restless in calm environments, but overwhelmed in stimulating ones

• Struggle to know what you actually need in any given moment

• Appear contradictory to others (and to yourself)

You're not broken. You're managing competing neurological needs.

Why Traditional "Self-Care" Advice Doesn't Work

You've heard the recommendations: meditation, bubble baths, journaling, "just unplug."

And maybe you've tried them. Maybe they made it worse.

Here's why standard relaxation advice often fails for ADHD and HSP nervous systems:

For ADHD:

• Meditation feels like torture — Sitting still with your thoughts can actually increase restlessness and anxiety

• "Unplugging" increases understimulation — Without external input, your brain goes into overdrive creating its own stimulation (usually in the form of worry)

• You need structured rest — Open-ended "relaxation time" leads to scrolling or rumination

For HSPs:

• You need processing time first — You can't rest while still holding the emotional and sensory input from your day

• Silence isn't always calming — Without enough sensory input, you might become hyperaware of internal sensations

• You need tailored environments — What relaxes someone else (music, candles, socializing) might overwhelm you

What Your Nervous System Actually Needs: Somatic Regulation

This is where somatic therapy comes in — because you can't think your way into a regulated nervous system.

Somatic approaches work directly with your body's stress response. Instead of trying to force yourself to relax, we work with what your nervous system actually needs in this moment.

For ADHD Nervous Systems:

Active rest — Movement-based activities like yoga, walking, dancing, or fidgeting can be more regulating than stillness

Body doubling — Having someone else present (even virtually) while you rest can provide the external structure your brain needs

Sensory tools — Weighted blankets, fidget toys, background noise, or textured objects give your brain something to focus on

Chunked downtime — 10-minute rest periods work better than open-ended "relaxation"

Task-based wind-down — Sometimes the transition to rest needs to be an activity itself (skincare routine, stretching, organizing)

For HSP Nervous Systems:

Sensory regulation — Creating environments with controlled sensory input (soft lighting, comfortable temperature, gentle sounds)

Emotional clearing practices — Journaling, crying, moving emotions through your body before attempting rest

Boundary work — Learning to identify when you've absorbed someone else's feelings and releasing what's not yours

Resourcing — Building an internal sense of safety through grounding, visualization, or connecting with supportive relationships

Processing time — Allowing space to integrate experiences before moving on to the next thing

Somatic Practices for Nervous System Regulation

Here are body-based practices I teach in my Brooklyn therapy practice. These work WITH your nervous system, not against it:

1. Voo Breath (Vagal Toning)

Take a deep breath in, then exhale while making a low "voo" sound. The vibration stimulates your vagus nerve, signaling safety to your nervous system.

Good for: Both ADHD and HSP — provides stimulation while calming

2. Bilateral Stimulation

Gently tap alternating sides of your body (knees, shoulders, or butterfly hug). This is the same mechanism used in EMDR therapy.

Good for: Processing emotions, calming anxiety, creating focus

3. Body Scan with Movement

Instead of lying still, do a body scan while gently moving. Notice your feet — wiggle your toes. Notice your legs — stretch them. This gives your ADHD brain something to do.

Good for: ADHD folks who struggle with traditional body scans

4. Containment Visualization

Imagine placing all the sensory and emotional input from your day into a container (box, jar, body of water). This isn't suppression — it's creating temporary space.

Good for: HSPs who need to process later

5. Orienting

Slowly look around your environment, naming what you see. This brings you into the present moment and interrupts mental loops.

Good for: Both — grounds you in "here and now" safety

Chronic Activation: When Your Body Forgets How to Rest

Many ADHD and HSP folks live in a state of chronic nervous system activation. Your body has been in "on" mode for so long that it doesn't remember what "off" feels like.

Signs of chronic activation:

• You can't remember the last time you felt truly rested

• Your baseline is "wired and tired"

• You get sick when you finally take a break

• Physical symptoms: digestive issues, headaches, muscle tension, insomnia

• Emotional numbness or constant overwhelm

This isn't permanent. With nervous system work, your body can relearn safety and rest.

The Role of Trauma in Nervous System Dysregulation

Here's something important: if you experienced childhood trauma, emotional neglect, or grew up in an unpredictable environment, your nervous system learned that rest = danger.

Maybe:

• Letting your guard down wasn't safe

• Being "productive" was how you earned love or avoided criticism

• Relaxing meant missing important cues or threats

Now, even when you're objectively safe, your body still operates from those old templates.

This is where therapy approaches like EMDR, somatic IFS, and trauma-informed art therapy can help. We work with the parts of you that are still bracing for danger and help them update their information.

ADHD, HSP, and Nervous System-Friendly Therapy Across New York State

If you're reading this and thinking, Finally, someone gets it — that's exactly why I do this work.

Traditional therapy often misses the nervous system piece. We talk about thoughts and behaviors, but we don't address the underlying physiology that makes rest feel impossible.

In my virtual practice (serving all of New York State), we work with:

Somatic Therapy

Body-based practices that regulate your nervous system from the bottom up

Art Therapy

Creative expression that gives your ADHD brain engagement while processing emotions (perfect for people who struggle with traditional talk therapy)

Parts Work (IFS)

Understanding the different parts of you that push for productivity, resist rest, or stay vigilant

EMDR

Processing trauma that keeps your nervous system locked in activation

Neurodivergent-Affirming Approaches

Working WITH your brain, not trying to make it neurotypical

You Don't Have to "Fix" Yourself to Find Rest

I want to be clear about something: the goal isn't to become someone who can easily "switch off."

The goal is to:

• Understand your unique nervous system

• Work with it rather than against it

• Build regulation skills that actually match how you're wired

• Release shame about needing rest to look different than it does for others

• Find sustainable ways to care for your sensitive, creative, neurodivergent self

You don't need to be less sensitive. You don't need to be more neurotypical.

You need support that meets you where you are.

What Rest Looks Like for ADHD and HSP Nervous Systems

Here's permission you might need:

✓ Rest can include movement
✓ Rest can include stimulation (music, audiobooks, videos)
✓ Rest doesn't have to be silent or still
✓ Rest might look different every day
✓ Rest might need to be structured
✓ Rest is not a reward you have to earn

Your version of rest is valid, even if it doesn't look like someone else's.

Ready to Work with Your Nervous System, Not Against It?

I specialize in virtual therapy for ADHD, highly sensitive people, and neurodivergent folks across New York State. My approach integrates nervous system regulation, art therapy, EMDR, and parts work — all from the comfort and safety of your own space.

If you're exhausted by your own body and ready for support that actually understands how you're wired, let's talk.

Your next step: Schedule your free 20-minute consultation call — we'll talk about what you're struggling with, whether my approach feels like a fit, and what working together could look like. No pressure, no sales pitch. Just a real conversation about whether I can help.

You deserve rest. And you deserve a therapist who understands why it's been so hard.

Next in the "Living in a Sensitive Body" series: Week 2: Chronic Pain & Emotional Holding Patterns — How your body stores what you can't process

Irene Maropakis is a licensed therapist in New York specializing in virtual somatic therapy, art therapy, and EMDR for ADHD, highly sensitive people, and neurodivergent individuals throughout New York State.